Crackfics Come in a Little Glass Vial
by GryphonoftheNorth
Summary: Repo! The Genetic Opera parodied a.k.a crackfic-ified.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, you may know my love of crack!fics from my series of Heroes ones. I decided to crack!fic-ify the entire Repo movie. Just so you know, I looooooove the movie, so this is not bashing it. It's pretty much a chapter for each song/comic story so that's why some are so short. Please review, I love reading them :3 Enjoy!**

It started in the not-too-distant future. Organs just started to fail, but hey, that's what you get for buying generic. Because of some thrifty shoppers millions of people (That's a lot) die and everything goes to hell in a hand basket. But THEN, a savior emerges! JESU--I mean GENECO!

They give you organs to replace the ones that gave out on ya, you know, the ones that 'were a good deal at the time'. But you can't pay for it full, you have to take a mortgage out on it or something in a contract SIGNED IN BLOOD. So you live and pay it off slowly and its alllll goooood.

This spawns surgery as a fashion statement, like many other disturbing fads like skinny jeans and leggings. They also dream up an addictive painkiller called Zydrate to rake in more money because its super expensive. This displeased the Cash Cow. To get back at GeneCo the Cash Cow hired Grave-robbers to go out and extract and off-brand Zydrate from dead people and sell it on the black market. Yeah, that would show them.

Rotti Largo was the dude that started the whole GeneCo thing, thus making him the Cash Cow's arch nemesis, and got a bill signed that made organ repossessions legalized. What Congress was smoking when they agreed to this is still unknown, but 'shrooms are suspected.

Anyways, this dude has three kids. Luigi Largo, the psycho with a fondness for large knives and ripping his shirt off. Amber Sweet, who just kinda complains and gets high off illegal Zydrate with her oddly clad body guards. And Pavi Largo, the rapist who for reasons unknown loves to wear women's faces on top of his.

If someone misses a payment for their organs they send in the Repomen! Guys in big rubber/leather suits with these awesome helmets! They also have sticks with scalpels on both ends. Pretty scary dudes, actually.


	2. Chapter 2

It's ALLEY TIME! It's all dark and spooky with people lazing about. Geez, get a job ya bums…Ohsnap, here comes Graverobber. All pale and furry-coaty and…drug dealy? I dunno, shut up.

"So, out of the night steps this dude, I'm not really sure about his name and no one else seems to know but I haven't checked the interwebz yet, they know everything there, y'know? Oh frick, I've started rambling again…" He babbled. "Anyways, he's like six foot six, waaaaay tall, and you'd better hope he doesn't come knocking at your door. Trust me he's a Jemimah's witness and he will sell you pancakes. Oh, and he takes your organs, but whatever."

A Repoman does something in the doorway. OHGOD, DON'T GO TOWARD THE LIGHT, REPOMAN, DON'T DO IT…Erm, yeah.

"He won't bother to write or to phone you," Graverobber went on, tearing up a little. "He'll just rip the still beating heart from your chest. I mean, a text message break up? Seriously? That hurt, man, it hurt bad…"

Some guys in orange suits, a chain gang maybe, throws some repo'd body in the back of a garbage truck. Bye-bye body!

A woman in some weird outfit whimpered as she ran down the hall. The Repoman was going to get her! Only the good die young! Erm…She didn't want to di--And then she fell down the stairs. Well, oops. Scrambling to her feet she bolted, trying some locked doors with no success. She was never going to sell a hundred boxes of cookies in time!She gets in an elevator as Graverobber sings about how useless running is. Is she even listening? How inconsiderate.

Dun na…Dun na…Du na dun na dun na. RAWR. LAND SHARK---I MEAN REPOMAN ATTACK. He springs from the shadows and slices her throat with his cool scalpel. Slicey slice slice and BAM a heart! The wife would love that for Valentines Day…Hmm…--We fwoosh over some choppy waves. OHMAIGAWD A DOLPHIN! There….Do you see it?…No, right there! …Never mind, you missed it. To your left you'll see a decrepit bridge, scattered with…bodies? Maybe. From there there's like a crapload of cemeteries and then we get to the real city. You know, where the live people live. Yes, there are still some of those left. Surprising, I know. ..Okay, shut up now.

Zoom in on big GeneCo tower with pretty moon in the background… Closer… closer…OW! GEEZUMS! Not that close! You just can't get good help these days… Fwooosh down the chimney.. AH! Fire!…Whew, I'm okay.

Ah, here are the guard ladies with their fishnets and shotguns coming out of the elevator. Where were they anyways? Rotti could've gotten mauled by a hamster or something while they were away!

Rotti looks at some pics of his children. Oh look, here's one of Luigi being, well, himself…"You disgust me," He growled at his son.

"Sorries, Dad." Luigi mumbled. "I still get cookie?"

"No!" Rotti snapped, looking at a picture of Amber. "WTF?"

"Psh, whateva." She shrugged, lounging on a couch.

And here was one of Pavi, skinning some girls face off. Lovely.

"Looks good, no?" The son grinned, giving him a big thumbs up.

"I hate my life…Ohhai, doctor man!" Rotti greeted grumpily as the skittish doctor gave him a transparent sheet of paper. Somehow he reads it on a clipboard that's also transparent. That takes skills, yo.

"Sorry, but you gonna die soon…" The doctor explained. And then a guard shot him through the head. Niiiice.


	3. Chapter 3

Looks like its time for Rotti's walk. Grab you're cane, old man, we're going out! And not to some fast food place, I want a REAL restaurant! Oh hey, looks like a priest with a gasmask on and some mourner ladies are taking a stroll in the graveyard, lets join them! What? You'd rather sing in an elevator? FINE. BE THAT WAY.

"My kids suck, I am totally not giving GeneCo to them when I croak. I'll keep those vultures guessing." He cackled.

"One word? Two syllables? Is it a movie?" The vultures asked, looking ticked. "C'mon, throw us a bone here!"

"I'm in ur tomb, stealin ur bugs." Shilo giggled as she sneaked into her mom's crypt, wearing a gas mask for whatever reason. Whipping out her trusty sandwich and empty jar she pranced after the glowing blue bug. "I'm gonna get choo!"

Crap, it escaped through the bars! She needed that bug! "Off to Narnia, mom, brb." She whispered as she snuck out after the insect.

"No! You get back here young lady!" Marni ordered, but no one could hear or see her, for she was a ghost. Spoooooooky.

"Omg, yes!" Shilo cried as she trapped the little bugger under her jar. Victory! What? Graverobber? Why is he singing in the graveyard?

"…And you can finance your bones and you kidneys!" He sang, yanking a body out of its grave and getting to work on it.

"Dude, WTF is with you and the kidneys?" Shilo asked, hiding behind a tombstone. "Do you have some sort of fetish? A COW FETISH?" Little did she know about his past with the Cash Cow, which really brought up back memories. It was a nasty break up.

He stood up, holding his fresh vile of Zydrate up. Score. "And its my job to steal and rob…" He sang, "GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVES!"

"Omg, guyz, you hear somethin?" A GENEcop asked, sniffing around.

"Omg, yus!" Another one cried, directing the spotlight to Graverobber. "Get 'em! Pew pew pew!"

"Ahhh!" Shilo squeaked, high stepping it after Graverobber as he used the corpse as a battering ram. Now that's ingenuity. They climbed into a mass grave full of yumm--DISGUSTING bodies. He was so happy that he started to sing again while Shilo freaked out some more.

"And its my job to steal and rob…GRAAAAAAAAAAPES!" He screamed.

"I'll get you some grapes, just STFU please! Ahh!" She screamed as a GENEcop yanked her out of the mass grave. She huddled on the ground with guns pointed at her as Graverobber fled.

"Let 'em go, guyz." Rotti ordered over the loudspeaker as Nath--I MEAN REPOMAN shoved all the GENEcops away from her.

"DUDE, TAKE DA MEDICINES." Her blood-pressure thing beeped at her as she passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

Shilo woke up with a jolt and sat up. "HOLYSH--DAD! WHERES MY HAIR?!"

"You've been like this, dear." Nathan sighed, fiddling with her heart monitor thing.

"Oh. Well, there were these bodies!" She wailed.

"You missed your medicine AGAIN and fell unconscious." He said, giving her a disapproving look. Nathan did NOT approve of this message.

"But they were dead, Dad!" She protested.

"NO WAI! The bodies were dead? Get outta town!" He exclaimed as he grabbed her wig and threw it at her.

"Ya wai! I couldn't imagine this!" Shilo insisted, putting her wig on.

"Shilo, STFU, please. Just take your meds. You scare me to dead, you frickin psycho." He muttered, walking away to stare at Marni's portrait thing. "You can has a blood disease and I no can lose you!"

"Okay, okay, Dad, I'll take my meds. Geez." She said, getting up to hug him, maybe that would snap him out of his emo funk. Geezums, that portrait scared the crap out of her…

"Your mom would be so proud of you," Nathan sniffed, hugging her. "You can't see her, but she's still around."

"THANK YOU!" Marni cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "Nice to know SOMEONE noticed!" Of course, no on heard her. Or cared, really.

Shilo sniffed her medicine as Nathan left, locking the door firmly behind him. Ew, it was grape flavored. Nasty.

"I'm infected…" She sighed, "I'm…infected…" What? Was she singing? Why? She didn't know but she couldn't stop…It was pretty catchy…

She danced around her room, singing as she angsted over her shut-in lifestyle. "Mother can you hear me? Thanks for the disease!"

"You're welcome!" Marni snapped. "Are you sassing me? Ugh, kids these days. No respect."

"I just wanna go outside." Shilo sighed, standing on her balcony. Should she jump? Nah, too dramatic. Oh well.

--

Ooh, it would appear Nathan has a story. Let's find out!

Okay, so 17 years ago Nathan and Marni were hitched and Marni was preggers and everyone was happy. She got sick and he thought he had found the cure. Well…He hadn't. It mad her eyes bleed and all sorts of nasty things. Time was running out and Nathan could only save one. Can you guess who it was?

That's right! Elmo! Good job. Anywho, Nathan's sitting in a chair in his hall of scary Marni portraits. I swear their eyes follow you…He starts singing and looking around. A door. A wall. Portrait.

"HOLYSH--IS THAT MY BODY?!" Marni exclaims, having floated down to join him. Her body was in the house! Was it like, taxidermy-fied or something? WTF? Flashback to the wedding. Aw, how sweet. Oh, there's the body again. Seriously, just a little creepy…

"Sexy murder rockstar!" Creepy voices hiss from nowhere as more flashbacking ensues. Oh geez! Nathan headwalls, the mother of the headdesk. Something must have REALLY been fail…Well, at least it wasn't facestairs. More flashbacks and head holding. He really needs a hug. Marni tries to give him one in vain. Darn ghostiness.

"The years roll by without you, Marni, seventeen have come and gone…" He sang as he made his way down the hall with some sweet flashbacks with little Shilo.

"Shilo can never leave!" He said suddenly.

"Now, Nate, seems a tad drastic…" Marni started.

"She is my everything! Nothing can bring you back, Shilo is all I have!"

"Geez, sorry about that, dude." She said awkwardly, though he couldn't hear her. "Not my fault you can't see me or whatever. And PLEASE move my body from the window thing, its freaking me out."

He stumbled down the stairs, still singing and with more hissing voices. Where were those coming from?! He turned something on the fireplace and opened it like a door. Fake fire?! Rip off! I want a refund…

"Where'd this come from?" Marni asked as she floated into the secret room behind him, flashbacks in her wake. "Wait, who's that?" She watched as some guy strapped to a chair was wheeled out. "Ohmaigawd. Is he your boyfriend? And what's with the chair? Since when are you into kinky stuff?"

"Repossessions, I deliver!" He sang as he washed his face and suited up, kicking his victim toward the killing board he'd affectionately nicknamed 'Steve'. "I'm the Repo! Legal Assassin!" He finished, getting all in this guys face.

"Ooooooh." Marni said, looking relieved. "Well, as long as you're not cheating on me with some dude."


	5. Chapter 5

"Livers and hearts, you'll always save a bundle when you buy our GeneCo parts!" What sounds like drunken bar-goers sing as they swish their ale. Huzzah! The dragon is slayed!

"Honey, what do you want?" A random middle aged man asks as he looks over the big sign listing all the organs.

"Oh, I'll just have whatever you're having. I can't decide."

"I WANT A BURGER." Their obnoxious kid snarled.

"They don't hav--"

"BUUUURGER."

"That's it! You're getting a kidney and that's final!"

Amber Sweet shoved past the with her two oddly clad body guards. "Where the fu--"

"CENSORED." The Censor Owl squawked. Swear words angered him very muchly.

"Well, you've been standing there for about five minutes, I think you can see he's not here! Besides, he left ME in charge, sister!" Luigi RAAAGED. And then Amber simultaneously grabbed his crotch and…licked his ear? Ooookay. Evidently Pavi's not the only one with an incest fetish.

COW FETISH.

Erm, yeah, anywho, Luigi goes on about how great he is as he stab-ifies a GENtern for getting brain juice on his NEW SHIRT. RAAAAAGE. And the he rips his shirt off. Well, I guess I'd be angry too…

"Ask a GENtern who they prefer! 10 out of 9 will say the Pavi!" THE Pavi, not Pavi. Get it right, guys. The Pavi in in ur house, breakin ur statistics. I'd run. Now.

"GUYZ?!" The stabbed GENtern wailed, writing on the ground. Geesh, what was wrong with her? Not like she'd just been stabb--Oh. Never mind. "Sum help plz?"

"Mark it up! Mark it up!" The two brothers sang, ignoring her and the other GENterns who couldn't help but chant "FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT."And in the background two non-GENterns categorized organ or something else no one really cares about. I swear, do these people only hire women? Sexism gives the Cash Cow RAAAAGE.

--

"OHMAIGAWD BLIND MAG!" Shilo squee'd as the singer appeared on the TV hawking some new corneas or something. She proceeded to pretend to sing into Pavi's mirror. Did she STEAL that from him? Geez, it's always the quiet ones. "Your new corneas really bring out your…corneas." She giggled to herself.

"The phone! The phone is riiiiining!" The Wonderpets sang as her phone-wrist-thing buzzed.

"GTFO of my way guys." She snarled as she pushed the little animals off her bed. She answered it.

"Ohhai Shilo, you don't know me…yet…hehe…But you're mother was once very dear to me…before I killed her…hehe…I can find your cure. Meet me at yo mamas tomb. Ttyl!" Rotti said before hanging up.

"WTF? Don't you dare go meet that pedostalker, Shilo!" Marni yelled.

--

ROTTI'S STORY. DUN DUN DUN.

So seventeen years ago (The world was also created somewhere around this time.) there were these two lovers Rotti and Marni (geez those names sound familiar) and they were all happy and not preggers. But then Marni met Nathan and broke Rotti's shriveled old heart into a bajillion pieces. Marni got sick and Rotti, being a vindictive kinda guy, decided poisoning her and framing Nathan was a splendiferous idea! And then he made Nathan become a Repoman. Oh, Rotti, you clever old bean! Yeah, no.


	6. Chapter 6

"Ashes, ashes. Dust, dust. My children were a bust!" Rotti sang in his pimped out limo. Holy God, does this guy ever quite whining? You're kids are terrible, WE GET IT.

"Thiiiiiings you seeeee in the graaaaaveyard!" Eerie voices sang from nowhere as Shilo made her way to her momma's tomb, said momma floating behind her complaining loudly.

"I can't believe you're going through with this, you moron. Ugh, what has your father been teaching you?! OF COURSE the strangers really have candy! OF COURSE you should go with them to their rape van! VIVA LA RAPE VAN!" Marni scowled.

"Marni, it's Rotti," He sang to himself as he stood in front of the crypt.

"NO WAI. I can see you, pedoman." She huffed.

"You never should have left me, I could have given you the wooooorld. Now look what you made me do!"

"Yeah, I TOTALLY MADE YOU KILL ME. FOR SURE. I SHOULD KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE--"

"CENSORED." Censor Owl shrieked out of now where.

"I was going to say jerk…" Marni defended herself. "Geez, my kids in the room. I have some class, you know."

"…But I can go out with a BANG!" Rotti finished, turning away.

"What? I missed it, what were you blathering about?" She asked, "OHMAIGAWD A BOMB!" She tackled Shilo, only to pass right through her, as the two guards knocked the door open and threw in a smoke bomb thing.

--

"It's nice to see young talent blooooming." Rotti sang as his guards threw Shilo in the back of the limo and Ghost Marni squeezed in, muttering about how cramped it was in there. "I'm Rotti Largo, fo realz."

"Erm, why are you singing?" Shilo asked, giving him an odd look as she chugged her medicine. "Just let me go plz."

"Sorry, no can do, cupcake." He shook his head. "You're a hard one to stalk--I MEAN, FIND."

"I can has blood disease!" She explained, "I'm not allowed outside."

"Yeah, well I can cure you." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"OhmyGod, you sicko." Marni facepalmed, glaring daggers at the man.

"A function awaits!" He went on. "Will you be my daaaate?"

"WHAT?!" Marni exclaimed, standing up so her head accidentally phased through the roof. "Oops." She sat back down. "SHE'S SEVENTEEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE. RAAAGE."

"Umm…Umm…" Shilo stalled.

"Blind Mag will be there!"

"OHMAIGAWD MAG?! COUNT ME IN!" She squealed, beaming. "Screw, Daddykins, He doesn't need to know."

"Awesome!"

--

"Reeeepooooomaaaaaan. Reeepooomaaan." More random voices sang as Nathan grabbed his bukkit--HELMET.

"It's a thaaaanklesss job!" He sang as he waltzed, bowing to his victim who failed to return the courtesy. How rude! "But somebody's got to do it!"

"Harvestin' the kidneys for the fallllll! Vroooooosh!" He continued as he spread out his arms like and airplane and zoomed across the room. Fly Repoman Airlines! "Savin' up the livers in the fridge!"

"I-I have a great recipe for livers, you know!" The victim squeaked, "I'll give it to you if you let me go!"

"No thanks!" He snarled as he sliced him open. Whoo, this was fun! He was surprised Disney didn't have a ride about it. He cackled as he put on his buk-HELMET and disemboweled the dude. "Guts! Guts! Gutsy guts guts!"

"Got to do it!" The victim's body said as Nathan's hand and ventriloquism skillz came into action.

"Like a mop!"

"Like a mop!"

"And a broom!

"And a broom!"

"No one wants a thaaaankless job!" Maybe he should become a ventriloquist. They got thanked. His face fell as he looked at the victim's lifeless face. Holy Geez, he was a psycho. He hosed off the blood from his suit and into a conveniently placed drain in the floor. He was wearing his hosing down gloves, of course, which were completely separate from his killing gloves.


End file.
